February 6, 2013 - Insecure Writer’s Support Group

 

Good grief, Charlie Brown, has it been another month already?

I’m feeling very insecure this month. 

I can blog; when I’m on a roll with a thought, I’m good.  I can take a writing prompt from The Writer’s Retreat Kit and run with it.  I’ve done ad copywriting.  I have chapters of my WIP in my head.

I am, as my husband has said, quite capable of writing a book. 

Problem is – and it’s my problem, my hang-up – when I have a couple of hours here and there for myself – quiet time – I sit down to “work on my book” and my words seem to dry up.  What I put down feels awkward.   I think, “I’ll curl up in bed tonight with my netbook and do some writing when it’s quiet.”  Forget that.  I’m ready for lights out by the time I hit the blankies.

Give me a month alone, two weeks alone even, and I bet I could crank out what I want to say.  Quiet time with no outside influences to let my inner “little voice” emerge again.

That’s not gonna happen.

So I’m plotting against myself, or with myself, to get over this hurdle, this self-imposed handicap.  I’ll retreat to my writing neuk here in my office, put music in my ears and pretend I’m sharing my story with one person, not a faceless multitude.  Make it an intimate environment.

Think it’ll work?  We’ll see.

How do you carve time out for yourself away from spouse, partner, job, everyday routines to allow time and space for your muse to be entertained?

Thanks for stopping by!

I am a Warrior.

The above bracelet is a Toby and Max creation.

December 9, 2012 - A Place I Rented – The Writer’s Retreat Kit

“Write about a place you rented.”  -   An exercise from The Writer’s Retreat Kit

The two-bedroom, blue-gray, small house on the corner appealed to me instantly with its big backyard, wood floors and windows inviting the outdoors to come indoors.  The garage door opener on the attached one-car garage was a bonus, being a single gal who came home after dark at times and during inclement weather.  The rent was within my budget as I embarked on solo life again from a floundering marriage.

It was a house that would become a home of light and hope with ample room to share with my two cats Rocky and Zeke.

Zeke – She was a bit psycho but lovable

Rocky at Christmas 1986 on Chantilly Lane in Houston, TX

I can hardly believe it has been 26 years since the above photo was taken.  I distinctly remember the scene as if it were yesterday.  Out of curiosity, I looked up the address on the Internet and found that it was built in 1955 (no surprise there), that its estimated value is around $250k and the current rent would be three times what I paid 26 years ago.

I have such fond memories of this comfy home:

• The backyard was enclosed with a chain link fence; I enjoyed chatting over that fence with the elderly lady who lived next door.  I still remember her saying to me, “You certainly are a worker, always out doing something!” 
• I installed a screen door on the kitchen back door and planted a flowerbed just outside that door along the side of the house. 
• The trees in the yard shed their leaves each Autumn, and hours were spent raking those leaves.  Rocky helped . . .

Can you find the cat?

• The tree that shed these leaves was ideal for playing kitty hide-and-seek.  Rocky and I enjoyed many sessions of this fun game together.
• This is where Rocky exhibited his guardian traits, running to the door and growling whenever anyone came calling.
• This is where I used a lawnmower for the first time, initially a bit scared of it but soon maneuvering it with skill and confidence; the same can be said of an electric edger.  I tell ya, I kept my yards neat and tidy!  It was good exercise and good therapy for the mind and spirit.
• My living room became filled with plants, some rescued from my workplace and others from a wee neighborhood nursery which provided plants for office buildings.  Once deemed unattractive, they were sold at highly discounted prices.  I once rescued  a group of 12 for $10!  They not only recuperated but flourished in my home.
• Although having central heating, my home was cooled in the hot Texas summers by two window air conditioners, one in the living room and one in my bedroom.  The master bedroom was huge, with two walk-in closets.  Pretty nifty for a 1950’s home.
• There was a big window over the kitchen sink allowing me to watch squirrels and birds while doing dishes.  I knew then I would always want a window over my kitchen sink wherever I lived.  (To this day, our RV has this feature.)  The kitchen was painted yellow, giving a light and cheery feeling to the room.
• A very 1950’s bathroom, it was tiled in pink, black and white.  There was a gas wall heater for chilly mornings.  Did I mention cozy?

Although not sounding like an exceptional dwelling to you, it was the first house I rented on my own.  I arranged, decorated and furnished to express me.  Two authentic Danish chairs in my living room were quite a find at an estate sale, coming home with me for a price of $40 for the pair.  Cats, comfy furniture, plants flourishing . . . it became my haven and refuge during the time of loss of a relationship and the healing and blossoming of my spirit that followed.

Acquired as a necessity due to an ending – the ending of my marriage – it became a place of beginnings, of “firsts.”  The first time using a lawnmower, the first house I inhabited on my own, the first time I bought a car by myself, the first of many subsequent solo long road trips, the first time I nursed myself through an illness (strep throat with a fever that caused me to be somewhat delirious) and the first time to nurse my soul and spirit through a great emotional loss.

After almost two years, I decided the time to relocate had arrived.  Desiring to reduce my work commute and increase the distance between myself and my “ex” (he lived not far away and we would occasionally see each other in the mall, etc.), I reluctantly said good-bye to my special wee home, grateful to it for providing safe haven during a bittersweet period of my life.

Thanks for stopping by!

I am a Warrior.

The above bracelet is a Toby and Max creation.

October 16, 2012 - Look at the Picture Again

 

An exercise from The Writer’s Retreat Kit

Snapshots

“Look at the picture again.”

Do you see the Cat?

His name was Rocky and, although he crossed The Rainbow Bridge many years ago, his love and joy still lives in my heart.

Snapshots of Our Life Together

• Rocky was a “baseball cat,” one of the sons of Trina, the resident kitty at the home stadium of the El Paso Diablos Baseball Club in the early 1980s.  Back then, the stadium was known as “The Dudley Dome.”  I was the team’s Office Manager for a while back then. 
• Acting more like a devoted canine companion than the feline variety, on more than two occasions Rocky positioned himself between me and a dog as if to protect me from harm.
• His fur caught many a tear in the days mounting up to, through and following my first divorce.  He always seemed to know when to come cuddle up with me.
• Living on my own again in the house with Rocky and his kitty pal Zeke, Rocky would go to the front door and growl any time someone would come calling.  Yep, just like a dog!
• So many leaves in the above photo means there is a decent-sized tree around.  The branches in that tree were positioned perfectly for hide-and-seek and playing “tag” with my kitty-boy.  We shared that game the day the photo was taken and on countless other occasions. 
• Rocky carried the feline leukemia trait from his mother and it became active when he was seven years old.  There were numerous vet visits and he was holding his own, although seriously ill. Working full-time, there came the day when Rocky was scheduled for an appointment following my work day.  In the early afternoon, I had a strong desire – a need – to check on him.  Luckily my boss was also an animal lover and understood my need to leave early from the job.  Entering my home,  I called to Rocky but he did not come to greet me as usual.  Going through the house, I came upon him in a bedroom. He had apparently jumped down off the bed to come meet me but collapsed on the floor.  Although his eyes were open and he was breathing, I could see that he was seeing the threshold of The Rainbow Bridge.  Cradling him in my arms there on the floor, I spoke softly to him.  I recalled some of our special moments together over the years such as in the photograph above and told him what a good and brave boy he was.  I told him how much I loved him and that, although I would miss him dearly, it was okay for him to go.  After several precious minutes together,  Rocky stepped up onto The Rainbow Bridge and crossed over, peacefully leaving this world for the next.
• During the first year following his passing, Rocky would visit me during The Dreamtime.  Feeling so very real, the “dream” would be he and I strolling the streets of San Francisco together.  Rocky was never on a leash and sans that attachment in our nighttime adventures.  We were just two friends out for a stroll.  When I visited San Francisco a few years later, my thoughts turned to Rocky and our walks together.

I know that one day I’ll see my Rocky again and that we will have time for countless walks and hide-and-seek in the trees once more.

Christmas 1986 in Houston, Texas

July 9, 2012 - A Little Progress

 

Well, Judy Reeves’ The Writer’s Retreat Kit made it’s way from our RV to my office this afternoon.  Having it in my field of vision will help in pulling another card and writing about one of the prompts.  I have been thinking and envisioning tackling another of the exercises.

See?  A wee bit of progress!

Thanks for stopping by!  Now go write!

This is My Name in the Moonlight

 

An exercise from The Writer’s Retreat Kit

By Any Other Name

“This is my name in the moonlight.”

“She Walks With Bear” - this is my name in the moonlight.

When Darkness envelops the land and the Moon watches over us, I feel no fear.

I walk with Bear.

I feel no fear of the Night, as I have known Darkness of the Soul.  In that black and sad place, Bear emerged from the shadows to stand by my side and guide me into the Light.

From that time, I walk with Bear.

The Night holds no fear for me; it is filled with the presence of the animals who shun daylight and glory in the cool moonlight.  How could I be afraid walking among them with Bear by my side?

As the shadows deepen and the world comes alive with the sounds of the Night, do I feel fear?

No, for I am strong in body, mind and spirit.  My guardian and protector – Bear – matches my steps, stride for stride.

My name in the moonlight is “She Walks With Bear.”

Beginning Again

 

An exercise from The Writer’s Retreat Kit 

Beginnings and Endings

“Write about beginning again.”

June 2005 was the end of one life and the beginning of a new one for me.  Having disposed of all my worldly goods excepting that which fit into a 6’ x 12’ U-Haul trailer and my Chevy Tahoe, I was about to make a solo road trip of 1500 miles to a state I had never been in, to an apartment I had never seen, engaged to a man 4000 miles away with whom I had spent less than one week. 

Tahoe and U-Haul hitched together those final few days, I stayed at home unless I walked to a destination or a friend came by to take me out for a meal.  There was a lot of that going on, lots of good-byes.  It was as if I were leaving this world.

About 24 hours prior to my departure, I began feeling “not right” physically.  There were no specific symptoms; no signs of an illness, per se.

Explaining my uneasiness to a dear friend and shaman, she laughed and told me everything was fine; I was simply dying.

Dying?!?!

Yes, it was the death of one life and the birth of another, symbolically, spiritually and physically.

Understanding this, I felt not only physically better but excited about my upcoming solo cross-country road trip.  Provided with some visualization exercises to help with the process, I rolled out of my driveway the morning of departure thinking of my walled driveway as a birth tunnel.  My three-day journey to northern Minnesota became an adventure with the promise of my new life ahead.

~~~~~~~~

We all reinvent ourselves throughout our lives, sometimes by choice and at other times through circumstances presented to us.  Do you shudder and panic with the thought of major life changes or do you welcome them with open arms and the excitement of what Life has in store for you?   Do you look at each new day as an opportunity to reinvent yourself?

Thanks for stopping by!  Now go write!

May 28, 2012 - The Writer’s Retreat Kit

Quite some time ago, I don’t remember when, I purchased The Writer’s Retreat Kit by Judy Reeves.  This was years ago, so you see I have been dancing around the concept of writing my book for years.

I do not see myself as an ongoing writer with a goal of writing a series of novels.  I have one project (okay, perhaps there is a second)  in mind and heart, and that is my focused goal.

However . . .

That doesn’t mean I can’t have a wee bit of fun exploring other little projects like this kit.  I’m looking at it as a bit of fun, a bit of stretching my creativity and hopefully refining my writing.

If nothing else, it can be some posts for this site!

So stayed tuned; you never know when some little story might pop up here!

Thanks for stopping by!  Now go write!